I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
