He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize