just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
