i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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