Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
