Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
