I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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