Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
