Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize