I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
