So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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