I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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