Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
