I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
