That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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