I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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