You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize