What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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