I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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