You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
