i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Watching her eat just hurts me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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