haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
