I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
