He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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