And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize