we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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