Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
