What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
