Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
