Can i not drive my cunt home
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
