I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize