Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
