dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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