have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
