i think i have two assholes
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
