I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
