We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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