Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize