Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
