This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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