How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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