your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
