the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
