i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it's like iHOP with fire
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You have to summon your inner elephant
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
