Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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