Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
