My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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