all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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