I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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