I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
