im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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