I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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