the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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