i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize