Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
