I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
