I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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