a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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