i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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