I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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