Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
