I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize