I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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