Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
