they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
