So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
