Small penises have feelings too.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize