watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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