so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Who died my cat blue again?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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