So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
