so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
