AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize