i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
