I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
