yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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