dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We have started to decorate penises.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
