I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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