just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Randomize
