Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize