It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
