I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
