did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He did a backflip because drugs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize