That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
