oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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