It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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