you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
