Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
