Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize