can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
