I like my sex mixed with concussions.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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