guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
it glows. i had to have it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
