one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Someone came in the potted fern
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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