I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
