the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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