I wish I could teleport
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
In America we eat man semen.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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