If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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