I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
