you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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