did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
