I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
