hotel room ftw
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
