you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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