He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
