I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize