Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
