Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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